Literature is so much more than poems and novels. Film scripts, non-fictional works... even orally communicated folklore and song lyrics! It's all about conveying stories and knowledge. And who doesn’t like a good story? I know I enjoy a good horror story or a good sci-fi story.
As a hobby, I have started to write, and I have three main projects; "Uten en rød tråd" ("Without a red thread", a collection of short stories), "Vpoint" (a travelogue) and "War" (a mystery).
So, I serve you a few two-sentence-horror-stories found on the internet, and a few of my favorite monologues, one-liners and haikus.. Feel free to check out my picks for classic norwegian literature, classic world literature and Norwegian authors you should have heard of.
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die."
- Rutger Hauer as Batty in Blade runner, 1982
"This radio station was named Kowalski, in honour of the last American hero to whom speed means freedom of the soul. The question is not when's he gonna stop, but who is gonna stop him."
- Cleavon Little as Super Soul in Vanishing point, 1971
"And there goes the Challenger, being chased by the blue, blue meanies on wheels. The vicious traffic squad cars are after our lone driver, the last American hero, the electric centaur, the, the demi-god, the super driver of the golden west! Two nasty Nazi cars are close behind the beautiful lone driver. The police numbers are gettin' closer, closer, closer to our soul hero, in his soul mobile, yeah baby! They about to strike. They gonna get him. Smash him. Rape... the last beautiful free soul on this planet."
- Cleavon Little as Super Soul in Vanishing point, 1971
"Uh uh. I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?"
- Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry in Dirty Harry, 1971
"Legend has it it was written by the dark ones. Necronomicon Ex Mortis. Roughly translated - Book of the dead. The book served as a passageway to the evil worlds beyond. It was written long ago, when the seas ran red of blood. It was this blood that was used to ink the book. In the year 1300 AD, the book dissapeared."
- Evil dead II 1987
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way."
- Charlie Chaplin as A Jewish barber in The Dictator, 1940
"I met him, 15 years ago; I was told there was nothing left; no reason, no conscience, no understanding in even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this... six-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and... the blackest eyes - the Devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up, because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil."
- Donald Pleasence as Loomis in Halloween, 1978
"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges."
- Alfonso Bedoya as Gold Hat, 1948
"The cries for help were heard faintly through the bomb shelter door. From both sides"
"It's been years since the Angels and Demons started fighting. I still can't stop wondering what the hell could force them to work together..."
"My heart transplant is only two days from now. I just wish I was on the receiving end."
"I used to skip rocks down by the lake where my girlfriend drowned. But then they started skipping back."
"The search for itelligent life fascinated us for decades, but we just weren't prepared to find intelligent death"
"My blind friend told me how much he loves hanging around me and my brother. My brother died 5 years ago."
"You hear your mom calling you into the kitchen. As you are heading down the stairs, you hear a whisper from the closet; "Don't go down there, honey. I heard it too""
"You get home, tired after a long day's work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there."
"I walked into the bathroom one night and looked at myself in the mirror. Only one of us walked out."
""I know texting your phone is stupid after you died, but I miss you!" "Seen""
"There is nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it's 1 AM and you're home alone."
"She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn't."
"There was a pictire in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone."
"I wish I could remember who these people are. They tell me I have Alzheimers."
"I wake up and everything feels wrong; it's too wuiet outside. I look out the window and see everyone standing still, looking at my house."
"I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, "Daddy check for monsters under my bed." I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy there’s somebody on my bed.""
"My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn’t help."
"People always ask how many kids come to my house for trick-or-treating. None of them ever ask how many leave."
"All my life, my parents have told me not to open the basement door, but I got curious and disobeyed them. What is that glowing ball in the sky and why does it hurt my eyes?"
"The world was thrilled with the announcement that the first mission to Mars would be an all-female crew. One year later, the world was terrified when they all returned pregnant."
"Spend 24 hours locked in the old insane asylum and win a million dollars. It's been 26 hours, so why is the door still locked?"
Two nuns walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Am I the only one my wife ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
I sold our vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
- Hey, I was thinking…
- I thought I smelled something burning.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.
How do you count cows? With a cowculator!
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
What's an unusual way to make a cold milkshake? Give a cold cow a pogo stick.
What do you call a momma cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated.
What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
What do you call a cow that eats grass? A lawn-mooer.
Why did the cow look so confused? He was having deja moo.
What do you call an alpaca with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
Alpacas: Soon it’ll be the alpacalypse!
Llamas: You mean llamageddon.
Forget fairy lights, I’ve got my llama lamp!
What do you call two llamas standing next to a bell? Llama llama ding dong.
What is a sheep’s favorite film? Ram-bo
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
A flock of sheep suddenly surrounded me. It was a lambush!
Wolf in sheep's clothing
Meets a sheep in wolf's clothing
I don't know
How the f*ck haikus work
Can someone please
Explain me how they are read
Your haiku could not be found
Try again later
In the morning light,
You sleep despite my meow.
I stand on your face.
Help me, I am trapped
in a haiku factury
Save me, before they
I'm on my way now
Heading in now, I see you
OH WAIT IT'S A TRAP-
Help, I went in too
Oh no, it's much worse please help
We all are being...
Please someone help me
I am still stuck in this place
I really need help
I'm inside, but wait...
F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck.
F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck.
Everyone is trapped
Writing haikus 'til they croak
End this madness, please!
I am on my way
I hope that I’m not to late
Oh my god they died
This warning has come
Just a little bit too late
May god save your soul
To end this poem,
I need one more magic line: